Doubleplus Good Newspeak
1 Comments Published by Tom Gara on Wednesday, September 22 at Wednesday, September 22, 2004.
George Orwell would be rolling in his grave at this one.
I just got an email from someone working for AIESEC in India. They have some management traineeship positions available for international graduates looking for a management working placement in India. It is working for one of the largest hotels in Southern India. Check out the job title and job description for a masterful use of the English language in avoiding saying the truth:
"As a Guest Relations Executive (GRE), the internship would focus essentially on Guest services, Anticipation of Guest Needs, recognitions, Recovery& Flexibility; and will include learning functions of most sub-departments of the front office."
Lets break this one down a little.
Guest Relations Executive (GRE) - also known as bellboy, waiter, hotel staffer - the guys in the red jackets who carry bags to rooms, deliver room service, do stuff when you ask for it.
Anticipation of Guest Needs, Recognitions - "Room 601 is out of toilet paper. I think we should get them some more before they finish their Vindaloo in the Bengal Room."
Recovery and Flexibility - An almost entirely meaningless set of terms, taken on their own. I assume flexibility to mean the flexibility to do whatever shitty work the guest and management request of you.
Learning functions of most departments....... - You'll be involved in all the "learning functions", from cleaning, to carrying, delivering, phone answering - and if you play your cards right maybe you'll be the guy who stands out the front in the top hat, greeting guests and ordering taxis.
How about we reword this job title and description a little, to you know, umm...make sense:
"Hotel staff needed. Guest services and front of house roles. "
10 words - with some wastage and even a little word wanking - now that wasn't too hard was it?
Anyhow next time you hurl a glass of whiskey at that snivelling little bellboy in the Hyatt Regency, in punishment for his inability to recognise that you need, you know...more whiskey.....just remember - thats a Guest Relations Executive that you're fucking with - I'd think twice if I were you. They report directly to the Chief Services Officer, who is only one step down from the Almighty Grand Wizard of the Third order of Ra (Bar Manager).
UPDATE: Heh. I just noticed something else. The guy who sent this mail identifies himself as a "Senior Manager" of AIESEC at his university. I've never heard of this title in AIESEC before...... maybe he's a senior manager at the hotel. You know - the senior managers....the ones who collect empty glasses in the bar.
I just got an email from someone working for AIESEC in India. They have some management traineeship positions available for international graduates looking for a management working placement in India. It is working for one of the largest hotels in Southern India. Check out the job title and job description for a masterful use of the English language in avoiding saying the truth:
"As a Guest Relations Executive (GRE), the internship would focus essentially on Guest services, Anticipation of Guest Needs, recognitions, Recovery& Flexibility; and will include learning functions of most sub-departments of the front office."
Lets break this one down a little.
Guest Relations Executive (GRE) - also known as bellboy, waiter, hotel staffer - the guys in the red jackets who carry bags to rooms, deliver room service, do stuff when you ask for it.
Anticipation of Guest Needs, Recognitions - "Room 601 is out of toilet paper. I think we should get them some more before they finish their Vindaloo in the Bengal Room."
Recovery and Flexibility - An almost entirely meaningless set of terms, taken on their own. I assume flexibility to mean the flexibility to do whatever shitty work the guest and management request of you.
Learning functions of most departments....... - You'll be involved in all the "learning functions", from cleaning, to carrying, delivering, phone answering - and if you play your cards right maybe you'll be the guy who stands out the front in the top hat, greeting guests and ordering taxis.
How about we reword this job title and description a little, to you know, umm...make sense:
"Hotel staff needed. Guest services and front of house roles. "
10 words - with some wastage and even a little word wanking - now that wasn't too hard was it?
Anyhow next time you hurl a glass of whiskey at that snivelling little bellboy in the Hyatt Regency, in punishment for his inability to recognise that you need, you know...more whiskey.....just remember - thats a Guest Relations Executive that you're fucking with - I'd think twice if I were you. They report directly to the Chief Services Officer, who is only one step down from the Almighty Grand Wizard of the Third order of Ra (Bar Manager).
UPDATE: Heh. I just noticed something else. The guy who sent this mail identifies himself as a "Senior Manager" of AIESEC at his university. I've never heard of this title in AIESEC before...... maybe he's a senior manager at the hotel. You know - the senior managers....the ones who collect empty glasses in the bar.
Hey Tom,
I really had to laugh at this post. It reminds me of so many emails I have received over the years.
Here's a gem I think you would like, that is somewhat similar. Note the exact phrase "basically going to be working at the bar". Hey at least they get marks for honesty AND they say you can get 'discounted' drinks.
Nick
Department in which the Trainee will be working
Food And Beverage.
Job/Task Description
The trainee will be supervising the food Beverage.Basically going to be working at the bar.To work closely with the Managing Director to enhance the image of BYBLOS HOTEL, and increase sales.Receiving and Serving Customers to get hands on view of their likes and dislikes(customer relations)
Details of the working details
Bar Supervision and computer access. The trainee would have free meals, but drinks at discounts.