thoughts on 2005
1 Comments Published by Tom Gara on Saturday, January 8 at Saturday, January 08, 2005.
Not mine, but those of a super-intelligent evil genius who posts to a top secret forum of bastard-men.....
"So how does this bode for 2005? Really bad. By the end of the first quarter, Satan-Jesus will appear in the form of a four-mile tall eight-headed snake that will stand in the Pacific ocean wailing on a gigantic axe. The seas will turn to wormwood. You'll come home one night and find Howard masturbating on your couch as his goons wreck up the place. Zombies will roam the Earth. Super-Armageddon will be declared, wiping almost all of humanity out, except for Bush and his Ministry of Toady Affairs. and the entire population of Red China (excepting the standard 200 Chinese who die in any disaster). By the third quarter, most things left unsmashed in your home will be owned by International McSonyPanaMaxDigiCorp United Reamings, as will most other things, including the rights to your history, your native flora and fauna and a trademark on every second word that you say. Also, your electricity bills will be staggeringly huge and you will realise that all meaningful life on Earth was meant to come an end circa 1989 and that pretty much everything that's happened since is an uninteresting, painful sham, and that also you hate your neighbours who won't stop screaming at each other and their fucking kids."
It doesn't exactly reflect my own feelings for '05, but hey, at least it seems to be written from the heart. I plan on 2005 being a fairly pleasant year, although I can acknowledge that it will suck for a good proportion of the Earths population.
"So how does this bode for 2005? Really bad. By the end of the first quarter, Satan-Jesus will appear in the form of a four-mile tall eight-headed snake that will stand in the Pacific ocean wailing on a gigantic axe. The seas will turn to wormwood. You'll come home one night and find Howard masturbating on your couch as his goons wreck up the place. Zombies will roam the Earth. Super-Armageddon will be declared, wiping almost all of humanity out, except for Bush and his Ministry of Toady Affairs. and the entire population of Red China (excepting the standard 200 Chinese who die in any disaster). By the third quarter, most things left unsmashed in your home will be owned by International McSonyPanaMaxDigiCorp United Reamings, as will most other things, including the rights to your history, your native flora and fauna and a trademark on every second word that you say. Also, your electricity bills will be staggeringly huge and you will realise that all meaningful life on Earth was meant to come an end circa 1989 and that pretty much everything that's happened since is an uninteresting, painful sham, and that also you hate your neighbours who won't stop screaming at each other and their fucking kids."
It doesn't exactly reflect my own feelings for '05, but hey, at least it seems to be written from the heart. I plan on 2005 being a fairly pleasant year, although I can acknowledge that it will suck for a good proportion of the Earths population.
happy new year tom! i really enjoy reading your blog...it really makes me miss egypt!
ps: i made your apple/whiskey drink last night which made me think to tell my roomates your "8 pound coke in the train station story' we all had a good laugh:)
cheers!
marianne