The Onion gets it...yet again
5 Comments Published by Tom Gara on Monday, February 14 at Monday, February 14, 2005.
Latest Bin Laden message, courtesy of Americas finest news source:
"Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this day," bin Laden said. "Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God."
The monster. Who doesnt want people to enjoy Valentines Day?
UPDATE: Egyptian florists, thats who. The fuckers who we're supposed to be dropping a whole bunch of red ones on Thea today managed to....how do you say this.....NOT DO IT. I am not impressed. I will go back tomorrow and sodomise the staff one by one until they give me my money back. Actually, I don't care about the money. But the sodomy is important.
UPDATE 2: I just realised that my Valentines day post contained references to Osama Bin Laden, and two bad sodomy jokes. Surely this is some kind of record.
"Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this day," bin Laden said. "Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God."
The monster. Who doesnt want people to enjoy Valentines Day?
UPDATE: Egyptian florists, thats who. The fuckers who we're supposed to be dropping a whole bunch of red ones on Thea today managed to....how do you say this.....NOT DO IT. I am not impressed. I will go back tomorrow and sodomise the staff one by one until they give me my money back. Actually, I don't care about the money. But the sodomy is important.
UPDATE 2: I just realised that my Valentines day post contained references to Osama Bin Laden, and two bad sodomy jokes. Surely this is some kind of record.
actually its not a record...
sorry tom, but i was just watching CNN and they had a story about the religious police in saudi on the prowel for any valentine's day goodies. apparently, hallmark holidays are the milk of the infidels, and posession of even one candy conversation heart is punishable by....well, sodomy.
Now, now, Tom, if you go and do that, will Thea's Valentine wish come true? If you answer, Yes, then I have some questions about celebrations in Malta.....
You don't wanna know how they celebrate valentines in Malta. They put the "my" back into sodomy, thats for sure....
May i just say, you are the sweetest guy i have ever met.
this flower thing is sooooooooo sweet, i was with thea when u called and we all were sooo touched!
Afterall babe it's the thought that counts.
I love you babe - you Rock!
I'm glad I am not the only one who laughed hysterically upon seeing this Onion Article.
I was reading it on the subway on Valentine's Day and I started laughing so hard I was crying and I think the people around me thought I was having a seizure!!