A Different Drummer

One of the biggest company acquisition deals ever was recently announced - Procter and Gamble, the global consumer goods company, has bought out Gillette, makers of, among other things, the best male shaving device known to mankind .

The cost of the acquisition? Pocket change really, I mean who hasn't at one point had US$57 Billion lying around and not known what to do with it?

As far as I know, the only really valuable brands Gillette owns are the best-frigging-device-ever-made Mach 3 razor, and the Duracell battery range. Thats a lot of money being spent on a great shave and a decent AA battery.

UPDATE: Assem points out in the comments section that super-investor Warren Buffet, Gillettes largest individual shareholder, has made a killing on this deal, seeing his investment in Gillette gain a cool US$645 million in a single day of trading. That is on top of the US$4.4 billion increase in value of Buffet's Gillette shareholding since he bought into the company in 1989. That guy knows how to pick a winner.

I have discovered a place in Cairo that is all mine, and no-one else will know about it unless I choose to show it to them. It is an incredibly poor district in the middle of an otherwise middle class chunk of Cairo, and it makes you realise that sometimes the phrase "the other side of the tracks" has a literal as well as figurative meaning. Cross a set of train tracks and its like you are in another world.

This place has no infrastructure and the worst living standards I have seen anywhere in Cairo - yet is has more energy, more bustle and more vibrant street life than anywhere I have been so far in this entire country. I spent an hour walking around the place, and saw, in no particular order, a live band playing music with empty jars and saucepans, an unofficial arm wrestling tournament where the men were competing for a prize which appeared to be a basket of tomatoes and chillis, about 100 different animated verbal arguments, a street soccer match that involved about 60 people from ages 6 to 80 (with one legless participant protecting the goals) and plenty of other street entertainment.

I found this place completely by accident - I went for a walk from my new house and started exploring around the suburbs. I crossed the railway tracks and then all of a sudden, here I was, in the middle of a Lonely Planet article. I walked through the markets, where they were selling some things that I have not seen anywhere else in Cairo - a person chargrilling Eggplants over a fire and scooping out the smoky, cooked flesh into a big wooden basin, and mixing it up with spices and tehina to make fresh Baba Ghanoug, right there on the street. Now Baba Ghanoug is one of my favourite Egyptian foods and my stomach was urging me to buy some, but my digestive system and anti-Hepatitis urges told me to give it a miss.

I did buy a kilogram of beautiful fresh strawberries, deep red and slightly imperfect in that reassuring way that tells you that you are eating real fruit growing in the sun rather than some indifferent greenhouse creation. That set me back all of 2 Egyptian Pounds, less than 50 cents. I also sat down for shisha and a cup of tea at a coffee house, but before I could order, my phone rang.

It was Uli, one of my housemates, "just calling to make sure you were OK". You see, I had left the house 2 hours ago, on a mission to buy milk and bread, from the store which is about 5 metres away from our front door. I had been lost in a hypnotic trance of this awesome little suburb ever since, and forgot about anything to do with my normal life - I am not a peasant, I do not live here, I do look incredibly foreign and out of place, I do live on the other side of the tracks. I had forgotten about all of these things temporarily while walking around this place and feeding off its distinct energy - but after being reminded of them I had the urge to get out, and come back at another time, armed with my camera and a few gifts for the kids playing soccer.

Big ups to the latest member of the Misr Massive to join the nomadlife blogsphere, Soad El Beleidy, from my home city of Cairo. Soad is blogging up a storm already, and well worth a read.

Soad joins me, Jen, Thea and Luly and Assem as Egyptians (by birth or by experience) on the nomadlife community. May the Egyptian revolution continue and may the revolution be blogged.

Today, January 26, is Australia Day. All across the great land down under people will be celebrating in the only way appropriate for our country - doing whatever they want. Many will be BBQ'ing enough meat to make some species extinct, and drinking, scientifically speaking, all the beer in the world. Other people have their own Australia Day traditional rituals - going surfing or camping, or just doing nothing at all.

Hooray for the country that gave me a fantastic, free education, the best healthcare in the world (free, again), and the freedom to do pretty much whatever I wanted. Australia gets a little bit boring after a while, being so isolated and introverted in our little far-away corner of the world - but I honestly couldnt think of a better place in the world to grow up in, leave for a while, and then return to...some day. A beautiful natural environment, the worlds most multicultural society, one of the oldest constitutional democracies in the world, and a country that, no matter what we actually do, enjoys a great reputation and image all across the world. There is no better passport to travel on than an Aussie one (OK, maybe these "EU" things might be useful....)

Anyhow, I hope everyone back home is living it up Aussie style on this, our day of national whatever. And I'm looking forward to finding out the winner of the JJJ Hottest 100 (another Australia day institution)

We had a close to perfect weekend over Eid, heading out to Bahirriya, the desert oasis town. The town itself wasn't amazing, but man, thats one hell of a desert they have out there. The desert in Siwa was more like an endless sand ocean, rolling hills of sand dunes going out as far as you can see. In Bahirriya, the desert is a surreal landscape of purple, white and black sand and rocks, mountains, rock pillars and bizarre natural formations.

A highlight of the trip was our awesome Bedouin guides - the first ones I have come across who were completely conversant in English. It was great being able to have real conversations with these people about their culture and their amazing landscape, and to be able to ask questions and get interesting answers. The highlight of the trip for me was sitting around a fire in the desert one night, with the four Bedouin guys singing old songs and playing their drums - it felt as timeless as you could get. Until, that is, one of started showing us all videos that he had taken on his mobile phone during the Eid feast the day before. That mobile phones are now commonly being used to shoot and store video is indeed a cool thing. To be shown such videos by a Bedouin guide around a campfire in the middle of the Sahara desert is, in my opinion, a perfect representation of the possibilities of modern existence.

The possibilities of modern existence? "Shut up Tom", I hear you saying. Fine then. On with the photographs:

I actually went to a place called "Crystal Mountain", and it did not involve video games, fantasy novels or illegal drugs. Its just your stock standard mountain. MADE OF CRYSTAL:



The crystal mountain was quickly upstaged in weirdness stakes by the natural rock formation that happened to have a spooky resemblance to a chicken eating a giant mushroom. To repeat, this does not involve illegal drugs...:



This cow, on a farm in the oasis, enjoys a better standard of living than 2 billion of the worlds poor. I think Jesus would have been born somewhere like this:



Hanging out with some Bahariyya locals in the big tent:



Sunsets rarely feel this sweet:



When ladies start carrying water on their heads while children play in the dust, you know you are somewhere interesting:



And finally - although this isnt of Baharriya, I thought this Pyramid photo might interest some people. There classic image of the pyramids is that they sit in the middle of the desert. They do, if you take the photo from one particularly creative and misleading angle. However, from any other angle, they are in the middle of the city - they are a significant traffic obstacle....:

Starting today, Egypt is on a 4 day holiday, celebrating Eid El-Adha. There are two Eid's each year, one at the end of Ramadan, and one about three months later. While the first Eid is a celebration of the end of Ramadan, and the revelation of the Koran to Mohammed, the second Eid is a more...sacrificial affair.

As the story goes, God, being the self secure, peaceful, non-interventionist man that he is, decided that he needs to test how faithful Abraham (Ibrahim) is. So, he tells old Abe', if you really love me, if you really want to prove it, take that lovely little son of yours (Ishmael), take him up to the top of a mountain, and slit his throat? Cool?

Obviously Abe is a buit dissapointed - being, you know, attached to his lovely son and not really planning on killing the kid. But as everyone was well aware back then, when the big guy issued an order, you better obey it, othewise all sorts of fucked up things might happen. So Abraham takes his son to the top of the mountain, and, adter a teary goodbye and some prepatory knife sharpening, is ready to slice up his beloved son. Just as he puts the knife to the childs throat however, God interrupts.

You see, God was only messing. "Abraham dude, I was just playing with you. You were really going to kill the kid? Shit you're crazier than I thought. Anyhow, we still need to kill something. Here, kill that sheep like a good little sycophant. And go rape your mother.........haha, just kidding. Get me a Coke".

So, relieved that he no longer has to kill his kid, he happily slaughers the sheep instead.

There is, as far as I can tell, no moral to this story. "When someone powerful tells you to do something stupid, cruel, illegal and immoral, then do it" is about as much as I can uunderstand from it. It took us another 3000+ years to realise that the Nuremberg defense was bullshit. Progress is slow.

Anyhow, this weekend is Eid El-Adha. It is in celebration of this event that all Muslim families (who can afford to) will slaughter a sheep in their backyard. They will give half the meat to the poor and needy, and keep half to give away to family and to fuel the feasting that will take place over the weekend. Eid El-Adha is also the time of the great Hajj, or Pilgrimage, when over 2 million Muslims from across the world will make their way to Mecca and Medina, in Saudi Arabia.

Being an infidel, I will not be slaughtering a sheep, nor will I be making my way to Mecca. Instead, me and our gang will make our way to Bahhiriya, an oasis in the desert, similar to Siwa. I can't wait to get there, and be out in the great sandy deserts again. Many photos and reports will come on my return.

Happy Eid to everyone. Kill something, wherever you are, and think of me. I'm sure that will boost my Karma immensely.

As an iPod user! Believe it or not, the pair of hands below, cradling the shiny white piece of Apple goodness, belong the the President himself. I'd love to see his playlist:




The photo comes from a fantastic set of photographs by Christopher Morris, documenting the behind the scenes life of George Bush. They are all published online, and are well worth a look.

No, Australian's arent all fundamental leaders of the global community, or kick-ass young leaders, or huggable hippy visionairies, or leaders of the free world. We also have white trash. Glorious, pure, white trash:

"A QUEENSLAND woman caught drag racing along a busy suburban road at 144km/h in a 60 zone with three young children in the back seat says getting caught is her only regret......

Two of the children were hers, the other her sister's."

Yup, thats your typical classy Aussie girl, out for a drag race on the way home from picking the kids up at school. And it sounds like their efforts at breeding purebred trash as going to succeed - her "partner" sounds like top shelf material as well:

"Police then had to remove Weymouth's partner, who didn't want to be identified, from the court when he became abusive.

The man, who wore a Holden Racing Team shirt and cap, told the court the justice system was "f-ed".

Following their big day in court, they then bought booze from this pub, I'm fairly sure.

My theory is that this guy is a strict devotee of a certain Sufi Muslim group which reveres the balancing of watermelons on heads as the highest form of piety and worship. He is performing his ritual in front of Azhar - the high Mosque of Egypt, and one of the most influential mosques in the Sunni Muslim world.

Eugene Volokh of The Volokh Conspiracy, makes an interesting point:

"I'm pleased to say that my wife is pregnant again, with another boy who is due April 30 (Ben's first-a-half birthday, as it happens). I say this chiefly to set the background for a response I've been giving recently when people ask how many children I have. "That's a controversial political question," I say."

Good one.

Curse them. Here I am content in my nomadic, cash-poor, experience rich ways, unconcerned with acquiring material possesions, and what does Apple do? They go out and engage my dormant gadget lust with the most awesome piece of gadgetry ever. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the iMac mini:




It is the guts of a full size computer, packed, somehow, into something the size of a car stereo. It is awesome and beautiful and the most desirable thing in the world to me right now. And its cheap - $500. Not only is this, hopefully, a turning point in Mac history (finally a cheap Mac so all those in-the-closet Mac lovers can try one out) - it has given me a gadget erection that will require months of cold showers to get rid of.

Seriously, this thing is SO small. You really could carry it around in your shoulder bag with you. I want to make slow, sensuous, devotional love to it. I want one. So badly.




Ahh it hurts to even look at the sexy little minx. I am seriously considering offering my bodily services to visiting sailors to make the money for this thing. To the harbour!

The assholes who got busted red handed playing weird redneck pseudo homoerotic asshole games with prisoners in Iraq started today. I'm not going to say too much about this, because I will end up saying something stupid and nasty that I regret later.

But.

This was too good not to mention. The lawyer representing aforementioned assholes has an interesting angle on how to justify what happened.

"The soldier denies conspiracy to mistreat prisoners and assault, in incidents shown in photographs of naked prisoners posed in piles.

Guy Womack, attorney for Specialist Charles Graner, said US cheerleaders often formed human pyramids.

"Is that torture?" he asked, opening Spc Graner's defence on Monday."

And its a theme he seems to want to develop further:

"Another photo featured Pte Lynndie England, who has since had a child with Graner, leading a prisoner on a leash.

Mr Womack said tethers were "a valid tool" when dealing not only with prisoners, but also with children.

"You've probably been at a mall or airport and seen children on tethers; they're not being abused," he argued."

This seriously has to be the some of the most bat-shit insane logic ever employed in a court room. By this logic, because people in relationships have sex all the time, I can go and fuck a 6 year old. Or a comatose hospital patient. Or, more accurately, a prisoner who I am guarding.

If this works and the guy gets off not guilty, it is a complete puch to the testicles of the US legal system. The worst thing is, I can somehow see it happening. If this guy comes out of this not guilty, it will be a Rodney King style injustice - and perhaps the Baghdad version of the LA Riots should follow.

North Korea have gone one step too far. The world could tolerate its nuclear weapons ambitions, its exporting of weapons technology to rogue states, its starvation of millions through broken Communist idealogy.

But now, I line has been crossed. As a man with luxuriant flowing hair, I absolutely cannot tolerate this shit:

"A campaign exhorting men to get a proper short-back-and-sides has been aired by state-run Pyongyang television.

The series is entitled Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle."

Here is one of the campaign's proposed role models for tidy, well trimmed North Korean Socialism:



"Never trust a man with short hair", as my dad used to tell me.

"Today, a man called from Long Beach. He left a long message on the answeing maching, mumbling and shouting, talking fast and slow, swearing and threatening to call the police, to have you arrested.

Today is the longest day of the year - but anymore, every day is.

The weather today is increasing concern, followed by full-blown dread.

The man calling from Long Beach, he says his bathroom is missing."

And that completes the first page, and first "entry" into "Diary" the new book by Chuck Palahniuk.

Palahniuk got famous by writing "Fight Club", which got turned into such a good movie that the book itself often gets overlooked, but it shouldn't. He has an incredibly unique style, and it is instantly recognisable - in fact I bet that anyone who has read any of his other books would have picked the opening quote in a second. In fact his style is so distinct that it becomes kind of annoying, because to be honest, every Palahnuik book reads pretty much exactly the same.

The Palahniuk recipe a half dememted but somehow "everyday" person, in a rambling monologue, telling the story of how they got to a certain unusual position, normally spouting off lots of technical "how to" details of whatever particular field they happen to be an expert in. In "Fight Club" it was how to make explosives, in "Survivor" it was manners, etiquette and how to remove unusual stains, and in "Diary", it is the structures of the human body, from the perspective of a well trained portrait artist. It is a cool way to spice up a book, and you do learn things (From Fight Club, the recipe for Napalm, mixing gasoline with styrofoam was particularly memorable), probobably of dubious truth - but it also gets old, and cliched, damn fast.

So after a while, theres not really a lot of difference between "Jack" in Fight Club, telling us how to make explosives and what his half crazy mentor Tyler tells him, and Tender in Survivor telling us how to keep a good house, and what his half crazy brother tells him, and Misty in Diary telling us the details of how our face is structured ("those wrinkles on the top half of your face, the rhytides plowed across your forehead, this is dynamic wrinkling, also called hyperfunctional facial lines, caused by the movement of underlying muscles. Most wrinkles in the lower half of the face are static rhytides, caused by the sun and gravity.......") and what her half crazy teacher named Angel is telling her.

But I can't help but say, even though its pretty much the same book written many times with different characters and themes, its a damn good book being re-written, and they are always solid fun, laugh out loud reads. I still think Survivor is the best of the lot, and, Praise Be to Allah, one day it will be made into a movie. Palahniuk has a great instinct for mischief making and anti social behaviour, from the Space Monkeys of Fight Club terrorising their city, to the Porn Magazine landfill dump in Survivor, to Misty's comatose ex-husband in Diary, who had a habit while renovating peoples homes of walling off a room to make it "dissapear" and scrawling horrible insulting graffiti on the inside walls.

Anyhow, enough of that. If you liked Fight Club or any of Palahniuk's other books, and feel like reading it again with different characters in a different setting, then Diary is highly reccomended.

Not mine, but those of a super-intelligent evil genius who posts to a top secret forum of bastard-men.....

"So how does this bode for 2005? Really bad. By the end of the first quarter, Satan-Jesus will appear in the form of a four-mile tall eight-headed snake that will stand in the Pacific ocean wailing on a gigantic axe. The seas will turn to wormwood. You'll come home one night and find Howard masturbating on your couch as his goons wreck up the place. Zombies will roam the Earth. Super-Armageddon will be declared, wiping almost all of humanity out, except for Bush and his Ministry of Toady Affairs. and the entire population of Red China (excepting the standard 200 Chinese who die in any disaster). By the third quarter, most things left unsmashed in your home will be owned by International McSonyPanaMaxDigiCorp United Reamings, as will most other things, including the rights to your history, your native flora and fauna and a trademark on every second word that you say. Also, your electricity bills will be staggeringly huge and you will realise that all meaningful life on Earth was meant to come an end circa 1989 and that pretty much everything that's happened since is an uninteresting, painful sham, and that also you hate your neighbours who won't stop screaming at each other and their fucking kids."

It doesn't exactly reflect my own feelings for '05, but hey, at least it seems to be written from the heart. I plan on 2005 being a fairly pleasant year, although I can acknowledge that it will suck for a good proportion of the Earths population.

Had to post this photo - it is of a few of the big neon billboards that sit on the buildings overlooking Tahrir, the central square of Cairo - and it illustrates the Cairo zeitgeist perfectly.......

Hows this for a marketing mix....from left to right, Western Union Money Transfers, a Pilgrimage to Mecca tour package deal, Vodafone, a local Egyptian brand of vegetable oil, and Coca-Cola. Just perfect. Global business meets ancient religious pilgrimage meets explosive growth in local consumer culture. I'm sure this is happening all over the world but this is my blog so I get to say "Only in Cairo" to my hearts content.....

For my last night in Malta we went out for dinner to a traditional Maltese restaurant in the countryside. I have to admit, the Maltese food really reminded me of home, it was real typical western comfort food, just like I remember my mother cooking.....

I mean what real meal doesn't start with the bowl of Snails......



Followed by a delicious steaming hot bowl of Rabbit....



And finishing, as any good meal does, with a swift punch to the face...